Conversations with My Mother
MEET MY MOTHER
Petronella Miyanda Dyamini
This story is about the strongest, bravest woman I know, who chose to follow her heart, mind and soul. She loved and fought fiercely for all whom she loved so that they could lead a better life than she could ever dream of.
There are many super heroes in this world like her and many of you will relate to this story and journey. This is our story.
My mother – Petronella Miyanda Dyamini.
These daily conversations with my mother are my journey to accepting her incurable condition – Parkinson’s & Lewy Body Dementia.
How do you grieve a person you can still talk to but not touch due to Covid19? How do you plan a funeral for your mother when she is right here? How do you still love yourself after putting her in a home for full-time care when growing up you remember her telling you and your sisters that she NEVER wants to end up in a retirement home?
I cannot promise you a happy story full of joy and laughter, where the girl meets her prince, they have beautiful children, have amazing careers and live happily ever after. However, I can promise you my truth, my mother’s truth and the loving moments, the angry ones the ones fuelled by hate – Lord knows there were many of those. I hate Parkinson’s & Dementia, in all its forms. I hated that my mother had this disease and that one day, meant that I wouldn’t even be a memory in her mind. I would be a stranger. My foundation, my back bone started with bipolar, I hated her for not taking her medication and stripping my late teenage years as I took it upon myself to look after the family when her employers terminated her job for not being capable to work. F*#k them! I stood by her. She is after all the reason my sisters, our children and I walk this earth today.
Dementia Support Services
Dementia Support Australia (DSA)
Responding to changes in behaviour, enhancing quality of life.
The DSA team are ready to help you. Call 1800 699 799 to talk to a DSA team member.
Dementia
Australia
No matter how you are impacted by dementia or who you are, Dementia Australia is here for you.
National Dementia Helpline 1800 100 500
www.dementia.org.au
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Improving Australia’s aged care system
You can call the My Aged Care contact centre on 1800 200 422 (Freecall)
www.myagedcare.gov.au
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“Caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn’t know possible.” -Tia Walker
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LATEST BLOG UPDATE
08 The Long Goodbye
Day 3 of 5 (03 June 2024) Back in the nursing home Leaving the...
07. She’s not gone, but she’s not here
The Long Goodbye Boy, did they name it right. For 27 years, my...
6.0 Petronella in her younger years
Long before the signs of Lewy Body dementia emerged, I found solace...
Personal blog and memoirs of my mothers
journey as a single mother migrating from Southern Africa and now he journey with dementia.
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MIYANDA’S ROOTS
**NEW BLOG**
💔
Dementia prepares you for loss in the cruellest way—it’s like living through a thousand goodbyes before the final one. This June, I faced my worst nightmare. My mom, who I’ve been slowly losing to this disease, suddenly took a terrifying turn. A ruptured bowel led to sepsis, and within days, she was slipping away right in front of me.
Doctors handed me a form with her name already written, leaving the date blank. I couldn’t let her last moments be in a hospital bed, surrounded by strangers. I brought her back to the nursing home—our second home—determined to give her the love and dignity she deserves.
Now, I sit by her side each day, torn between gratitude and guilt. I whisper reassurances, show her old photos, and pray for her peace. But the question lingers: Am I holding on for her, or because I can’t let go?
If you’ve ever faced the impossible decision of holding on or letting go, this story might resonate with you. Join me as I share this deeply personal journey in my latest blog: The Long Goodbye. 🌿
Read it here: 👉 miyandasroots.com/08-the-long-goodbye/
More blogs here: 👉 www.miyandasroots.com
I’d love to hear your thoughts, words of advice, or even virtual hugs. Let’s navigate this bittersweet journey together. 💌
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Miyanda’s Roots - Conversations with My Mother
www.miyandasroots.com
This story is about the strongest, bravest woman I know, who chose to follow her heart, mind and soul. She loved and fought fiercely for all whom she loved so that they could lead a better life than s...0 CommentsComment on Facebook
No one ever prepares you for how many times you will stare death in the face with dementia. It’s not just a single goodbye. It’s a thousand little farewells scattered across days, minutes, years and moments—each one slicing deeper than the last. You re-live the same heartbreak over and over again, not just when they forget your name or who you are, but during the countless close calls that no one warned me about.
Each time it happens; the pain doesn’t dull—it sharpens. Anger, exhaustion, heartbreak, frustration, resentment, loneliness, silence... they all blend into a relentless storm that never seems to pass. Even your breath changes; deep breaths become a memory, replaced by shallow gasps as you hold yourself together, bracing for the inevitable call that will shatter what remains of your world.
She’s not gone, but she’s not here. And somehow, that feels infinitely harder to bear.
Last year my world shattered as I was told my mother had only days to live. Read more of mums near death (part 1) at:
miyandasroots.com/07-shes-not-gone-but-shes-not-here/
www.miyandasroots.com
#BlogPost #Storytelling #Inspiration #dementia #WritingCommunity #BloggingLife #EmotionalJourney #DementiaAwareness #AlzheimersJourney #CaregiverLife #DementiaCare #MemoryLoss #CaregivingLove #GriefAndLoss #MentalHealthMatters #EmotionalHealing #UnspokenPain #LoveAndLoss #LifeLessons #ParentingThroughDementia #FamilyStories #StrengthInVulnerability #HumanExperience #neardeathexperiences #ChronicIllnessStories #DementiaJourney #heartbreak #longgoodbye #tears #love #strength #FamilyStories #dementiajourney
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God bless every breath Amanda. Love you, your family and your mum so dearly ❤️
Thank you for sharing Amanda. I’m thinking of you. 💕
Sending you all the love hunni
Yes mum, I am proud of you. I hope that you’re proud. ✨ I sit across the room from you, my heart heavy with an ache I can’t put into words. I’m waiting for you to call out to me. Your eyes hold a flicker of recognition, but the woman I love so deeply feels just beyond reach. It breaks me to see you like this, caught in a web of confusion and fear. Oh, how I wish I could tell you just how proud I am of you—proud of the fierce, strong woman you were and the grace with which you face each day now. You taught me to stand tall, to fight against life’s monsters, and now, as I watch you battling your own, I feel that weight like never before. Even though you don’t recognize me, there’s a bond that remains, a quiet understanding that transcends words. I see the fear in your eyes, and it breaks my heart knowing that you’re chasing shadows in a world that feels so unfamiliar. It’s my turn to be your strength, to protect and comfort you as you sit there lost in a world that feels so foreign. I hope that you’re proud.Mum, you’ve always been my hero, and that will never change. Even while those precious memories may fade, the love I have for you burns brighter than ever. 💔❤️ #ForeverProud #LoveNeverFades #dementia #mother #mentalhealth #carer #dementiadiaries #love #godhears #god #imtired #dontforgetme #memories #alzheimer
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There is no doubt she'd be proud Amanda ❤️
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MIYANDA’S ROOTS
Parkinsons Disease
Michael J Fox has brought some focus on Parkinson’s Disease and finding a cure.
Life of the party
Parkinsons & Dementia may have her now, she may call me 10 times a day to tell me the same thing over and over; but this is how I will always remember her. Vibrant, full of life, laughter, natural beauty, life of the party, the world as her oyster.
"Goleka gu lila mwana'angu"
“Goleka gu lila mwana’angu” – do not cry my child, and then she would add in English “always think positive, especially when things seem bad”.
In Swaziland with Mum
Mum and I at my first holy communion in Swaziland (Southern Africa) – 1986
Don’t always be a good girl
“Flirt a bit in life, speak your mind with no regrets. Live lively and full of happiness!
For it’s the memories you make that will keep you smiling when it’s just you and your mind left”
Positive Thoughts
My love for you is forever.